2011: I can't say i'll think of you fondly

2011: I can't say i'll think of you fondly

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Went to South Dakota.

I would not recommend it.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't think I made any last year. This year: get over it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I don't think so... but it seems that a bunch of friends are incubating

fetuses at the moment. 2012 will be the year of babies and weddings.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

I'll count SD as a separate country. I did not recognize the moon there.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

$$. peace.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 17.

September 11.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Taking 14 credits, 3 jobs, dealing with heartbreak, and making

out at the end of the semester alive, with straight A's.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I had to ask for two extensions. One after I realized my ex dumped

me for a 24 year old, and the other when I just basically collapsed,

physically and mentally. I still got A's on those assignments, eventually,

so I guess it's fine.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not really. I think i had the beginnings of a stress fracture prior

to the half marathon, and my back hurts to the point that friends have

flinched while merely touching it. I won't be overly maudlin and count

heartbreak as an actual physical break. i suppose there are worse things.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My fox t-shirt. It's rad. And has a story about a fox that stole cheese on

the inside. As though the shirt was made simply for me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My friends. All of them. Sue, who travelled cross-country to visit me

for a weekend. And all those who held my sanity when i was not able.

And my parents who never liked him anyway. Mom, "I wasn't going

to say it if you were really in love with him, but I thought you could

do better. And, you know what i didn't like about him? That he was

homeschooled." My mom is SO RAD.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

RB. Never been so hurt in my life. Undermined my definition of

love that somebody could so easily treat me like that.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Grad school. booze.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

kittens. weddings to come.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"Gypsy Faded" - Joseph Arthur

"Colder Weather" - Zak Brown Band

"Things Change" - Caitlin Rose

"Mama's Broken Heart" - MIranda Lambert

"Payne's Bay" - Beirut

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? sadder
b) thinner or fatter? I think i was fatter last year around this time, but probably about the same. lost a bunch of weight earlier in the semester, but replenished it with booze.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, despite the three jobs. Tuition's a bitch.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

sleep. spin.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

driving. crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At Beth's family's place. I rode a horse in the snow!!! Rocky Mountain

Christmas and surrounded by warmth. win.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Yeah.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Parks & Rec? Maybe.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

RB. And, sadly and pathetically, a girl I've never met.

24. What was the best book you read?

Bluets - Maggie Nelson (blew my fucking mind)

Schizophrene - Bhanu Kapil

-probably the first time ever that my "best books" are all from classes

taken

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I'm pretty into Lykke Li at the moment. Not really a discovery, though.

26. What did you want and get?

Good question.

27. What did you want and not get?

Home for Christmas. Security of a relationship.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Future - Miranda July

Also, The Beginners

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Oh, shit. 30 was good. I celebrated first in Boston with my amazing

friends. Then, in Snowmass with my amazing parents. Then Fort Collins

with my amazing friends.

30. What is one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not having my heart broken.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Pick an outfit and go with it. Until a scruffy Alaskan who owns two t-shirts starts

to critique your style. Then you know it's time to change.

32. What kept you sane?

Friends. Wine.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

cliche, but Ryan Gosling

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Environmental issues. Really, though, watching the news made me

cry a lot this year.

35. Who did you miss?

I miss a lot. There's a lot of missing in me.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Not that I met her this year, but Lauren's become so much closer

and held my sanity with Herculean strength. And the laughing, oh

the laughing.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

It goes on.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"you broke my heart" - Lavender Diamond

"you found you another love. she's gone and given up her hand,

the one you call the one. guess it was a long time coming.... i am

still the fool." - caitlin rose

"that's what this turmoil has been about. that and the rumors of

who you been screwing.... but darlin you were definitely the last

one of us standing when you gypsy faded on us. I needed to say goodbye

but you gypsy faded on us." - Joseph Arthur

Excerpts from My Fourth Grade Journal (1)

"My family went to Hunter over the weekend. I missed soccer night again. My sister and I made a fort. We didn't finish it though. The mice went to the bathroom in the bathroom. We found a dead mouse in the garbage can. It was gross. Liz and I got pumpkins."

"Yesterday my mom bought me a new jacket. It is white. On the sleeves it is hot pink. It is really cool! My mom said my other jacket is old and raggy. I don't think so but I didn't say that."

"My mom bought me a book. It is a Baby-Sitters Club book.... My mom isn't even letting me read it untill [sic] we get to Florida."

"Today is Sara's party. I got her a shirt with cats on it. I wanted it."

(oh good lord.)

"Saturday was my mom's birthday. She was forty-six. I got her a pair of earings. They were very dangly. I bought them myself because they were only $5.00. Even though I bought them they were from Liz and me."

(Bitch owes me $2.50)

I'm Easily Annoyed

Well, hey, it's Girl Talk Thursday!

PET PEEVES

Texting while you’re talking to me/having a drink with me/having dinner with me/hanging out with me

No, it’s cool. Go ahead; I’m sure that it must be pertinent for you to answer your mysterious unnamed friend RIGHT NOW. It doesn’t make me feel boring, or like you would rather be somewhere else than in my company, or like I am not sufficiently entertaining for you. No, no, it doesn’t make me regress into my high school self, ostracized and dorky. Oh wait, I am still dorky. Oh shit.

Seriously. I hate when people text in social situations.

Talking to me in the public bathroom, while you are in your stall, especially if I am in my stall.

Bathroom time is ME time, where I would like to forget that there are other people in my office, let alone my bathroom space. And, yeah, I’m peeing. Let’s not make conversation, ok?

I seriously think a coworker [who shall go unnamed] would prefer to schedule all her meetings to take place in the bathroom. I’ve reverted into adolescent behavior to try and “train” her out of the habit of talking and making impromptu status meetings WHILE she is peeing with the silent treatment. I do not answer her questions in the bathroom, especially if I am in a stall. For the most part, it has worked. But, really? Peeing? I sort of don’t want to talk about due dates and authors.

Also, even if I’m just washing my hands, I really do not think it is appropriate (or comfortable) to make small talk over the undeniable sounds of urination. Like, take it outside if you want to chat.

Bad Drivers

THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BREAK! KEEP GOING! I can see your break lights…. seriously?

I’m a good driver… to the extent that I make reckless mistakes because I’m so confident. Whatever. I drive stick and judge others who cannot drive stick. I blame/credit my dad for imbuing with me driving audacity. Also, I really think that driving stick has forced me to understand and pay attention to the terrain and traffic a bit more. I have a sense of the rhythm of traffic, when to break, when to down-shift, when to accelerate, etc**. For me, it’s almost inherent, and I lack the grace to understand why others cannot do this.

** this is not to say that I do not (often) make driving mistakes. One of my favorite quotes from my bff (who used to terrorize my parents with careening around the corners of our childhood street while dropping me off in her vintage red pickup truck) is “I know you’re going to break… I just don’t know when.”

Also? Eating noises. R.E.P.U.L.S.E. me.

Short, Stumpy, and Strong (TWSS)

Girl Talk Thursday

Girl Talk Thursday

Your Favorite Body Part

[I’ve read Girl Talk Thursday from afar for a while, and pined away, not thinking myself worthy of contributing. But, I like the topics, and yeah, I have stuff to say.]

It’s not secret that I’ve had my share of body-hatred issues. Hey, I’m a girl, and therefore a professional in the expostulation genre of, “Gah! I hate my ____.” (nose, face, gut, ass, etc etc)

But my legs.

My legs, are they feminine? No. Do I often covet those blessed with thighs the size of my ankles? Daily. Would I trade my tree trunks for a less efficient, but longer and lither model? Absolutely not.

My legs are strong. I am blessed/cursed with the genetics that add muscle to my thighs if I, you know, walk downstairs. or sneeze. But my legs get me places. At a certain history in my life, in the 50+ miles per week time, I could not fit boots over my calves. I chose strength over fashion. In my injury-ridden life, I mourned my beefy calves.

When I was 14, I remember my ski coach yelling from the side of the training race course, “Use those big legs of yours!” It didn’t traumatize me. I went skiing last weekend, and my legs carried me through the day, through an activity that I love.

Yeah, they’re short and stocky. And I love em.

Won't You Be My Neighbor? Please?

My apartment is on, what you might call (if you aspire to live in Love Actually. As I do.) the dodgy side of town. For a while, when asked, I geographically fudged the boundaries of Union Square to say that I live there (about a 15 min walk away), but through the years, I’ve grown to love and be proud of my Winter Hill affiliation. Hey, if it’s good enough for Obama and stable-themed bars replete with toothless old men (I know this from experience), it’s good enough for me! Yeah, I take the bus and the Orange line, and damnit I’m proud of it! (note: I live on THE street that served as the headquarters for the Winter Hill Gang. Again, pride abounds.)

My actual apartment building comes complete with a white picket fence, and my street is innocuous enough. Lots of people hanging out on stoops, mostly Portuguese and Italian families, or recluses such as myself. Suits me fine. For practical description, my building is mirror imaged, split in two, composed of two two-room studio first floor apartments, one two bedroom apt on the second floor and my odd little attic one-bedroom. Repeat on the mirrored side, with a shared basement and parking lot in back.

For the past couple years, there have been a steady rotation of downstairs neighbors in the 2-room apartment below me. First were “the boys.” They were nice enough, if young, and, well, guys. They played a lot of video games. I only ever heard them during football when they liked to yell. Then, were “the girls” who qualify as the worst neighbors I’ve had. They got evicted after using the basement (think Blaire Witch Project-eque basement with a washing machine) for a party. And then there was the incident when one of their acquaintances threw a brick into one of the girl’s car. I had to complain to them about noise a couple times (like, hi! Some of us actually wake up in the morning, so loud parties at 3:00 am on a Weds isn’t cool), but I could live with it. My 1st floor neighbor HATED them, understandably because he lived beneath their parties and the sound of their hooker-boots a clacking.

Which brings us to my current neighbor.

I'm pretty sure he is possessed. Or part of a religion that requires LOUD, indistinguishable chanting at odd hours. I noticed first evidence of this was when walking past his door on a Sunday morning and heard what I can only describe as really fast monotonous chanting. Since then, I've noticed that this usually occurs around 5:00 in the morning, around the time my alarm goes off and I go to the bathroom, which is where I can most hear it. The other morning I made note to try and determine what he was saying/yelling. It sounds something like:

Gagagaga! GA GA GA! JESUS! JESUS! GAGAGAGGA!

But, I’m not sure if it's really "Jesus" or just sort of sounds like it through the muffled walls. Sometimes it sounds more like really really fast chanting. It is starting to freak the shit out of me. Also, my walls/floors are obviously paper thin. So, given my experience in the world of liturgical pedagogy, I’ve narrowed it down to: demonic, Holy Roller, is talking in tongues, or part of some undetermined religion that requires chanting regularly at odd hours...

This Saturday night, (because, yes, I went to bed at 10:30), I could hear him yelling/wining, "Stop it! Stop it! I'm too tired! Let go, stop it!" Pretty sure his girlfriend was raping him. Or else, the demons had him again and he was attempting to fight them off. Monday morning, the gf drove into the parking lot as I was walking out around 6 am. Also very bizarre.

Also, one of the 1st floor neighbors has a pretty constant stream of Indian pop music playing. I would like to imagine that his apartment is a perpetual set for a Bollywood movie, but he’s only ever glared at me, and I have yet to glimpse any disco lights or stray beads from an elaborate sari escaping from underneath the door.

Of course, on self-reflection, I am the crazy woman in the attic who laughs sporadically nothing (I crack myself up), and yells “No! Lily! Stop it!” to "nothing" (because I am technically not allowed to have a cat… yeah…). So, I guess those in cardboard walls shouldn’t cast stones, or something like that.

2009 Can Suck It!

(totally stole this from Molly. Also, this is my lazy way of making it back to this blog.)

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Took spin! Became obsessed with spin! Annoyed my friends with my obsession with spin!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I always have the same general self-improvement “goals” in rotation. This year, on the professional, financial, personal, romantic, health, and superficial front, I probably met absolutely none of them. In fact, my goals were met with universal futility, which inspired me to set smaller goals. Like: brush teeth twice a day. And: Go to the doctor (for the first time since the pediatrician) this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, thank god. Babies freak me out. Especially when people my age have them come out of their bodies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Norman. He was my best friend. Yes, I know he was a cat.

5. What countries did you visit?

Um, does Colorado count? That was an awesome trip.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Money, a sense of purpose, some inclination of what to do with my life.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Oct 3^rd: Des and Ricky’s wedding. Made me love love. And Maine. Also, come to think of it, Labor Friends-Day-Weekend made me love Maine.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Adopting Lily and nursing her to health, despite the trepidations voiced by my dad and corroborated by our vet.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Grad school, and my body failed me pretty regularly (hip, foot, foot bone).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I still had my pubic bone stress fracture at this time last year, plus metatarsalgia around May?, plus metatarsal stress fracture from August through September. Fun times, fun times…

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A trip to Telluride for myself. Does Lily count? I technically had to pay vet bills to get her.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My friends have been pretty celebratory-worthy. Idk? Chuck Bass? He was most improved, I think.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The characters on The Jersey Shore (although I cannot stop watching it!)

14. Where did most of your money go?

Doctor’s visits, xrays, MRIs, and probably (ok, definitely) alcohol. Lots of it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Des and Ricky’s wedding!!! Carolyn and Mike’s engagement! Lauren and Kyle’s engagement! This year made me love love. And look forward to spending my savings on celebrating love in 2010. And I say that without any hint of resentment.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

MILEY CYRUS --- Party in the USA! OMG. Just OMG.

TAYLOR SWIFT --- Love Song!!

(I promise you I listen to real music. I do.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? decidedly happier. I was probably depressed for a good portion of 2009. Especially around the holidays. I did a fair amount of laughing in the latter part of 2009.

b) thinner or fatter? faaaaatttter (hey, I broke my hip, ok?)

c) richer or poorer? I consciously took a personal “financial vacation” this year as I dumped all my money into doctors visits and feeling sorry for myself.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Made out with random dudes. there. I said it.
Also, ran. Poor me.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Dealing with my family. Crying. Working. Feeling sorry for myself.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve: Dinner out with parents and their ski friends. LOVELY. Reignited my long-standing romance with Upstate New York and wilderness starry nights, and fireplaces, and Christmas lights on snow, and buffets with crab legs.

Christmas Day: Skiing with parents, followed by a 5 mile run. Followed by hot-tubbing and drinking and eating with parents and friends. BEST!

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

meh.

Does my orthopedist count?

22. What was your favorite TV program?

How I Met Your Mother. I love me some NPH.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I like to hate, so probably. I’ve been known to do the “Ugh! I HATE him!” thing whenever a relationship doesn’t work.

24. What was the best book you read?

Fiction: The Housekeeper and the Professor (sob)

Nonfiction: Born to Run!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I’m sort of obsessed with “The Longest Day” by Megafaun. I also spent a lot of quality time with The Low Anthem.

26. What did you want and get?

Lily. She is my joy.

27. What did you want and not get?

Grad school. That pretty much destroyed me in a way I still cannot coherently explain.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Where the Wild Things Are. I cried. Craig and Lindsay made fun of my crying.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I have amazing friends. I cannot say this enough. On my 28th bday, I in no way wanted to celebrate. My friends organized a pre-party at their apartment, baked, served me copious amounts of alcohol, and then we went out to my favorite bar. I apparently had several conversations I do not recall, but I’d like to think I was charming. The night ended weird, in the living room of Running Man’s best friend and bf's awkward roommate, with my life-partner-wingman, on whom Awkward Roommate has an undeniable and uncomfortable-to-watch crush. She is a good friend, no doubt.

30. What is one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Getting into grad school. Losing 15 pounds.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Flip flops.

32. What kept you sane?

my friends. kittens. wine. email.

seriously, though, I could not have gotten through this year without my friends. and wine.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Andrew Bird. Skinny, tall, plays the violin and whistles, and uses the most erudite lyrics i've heard in indy hipster music.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Gay Marriage.

35. Who did you miss?

Norman.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Well, I didn’t technically meet Lindsay this year, but I love that we got into so many more shenanigans this year together, to help solidify our friendship. She instigated our stalking Man Man (Honis Honis) at a concert this summer. She got her boobs signed. We both got massive hangovers. Incidentally, she likes to blame me for her hangovers, and the subject of her last email to may or may not have been “FUCK YOU!!!!!!.” That’s love, folks.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

so it goes.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me.” – Mountain Goats

To Answer Any Questions...

Why, yes, I am really good at alienating people at social events.

Yes, it is 3:00 in the afternoon in this picture.

No, no I am not entirely sober.

Yes, that is RED white in my hand.

Shoes actually were totally optional.